To Cheat the Reaper
by Firedraike08
Summary: Miroku always could talk his way out of anything… One-shot. AU-ish. Probably OOC.


**A/n: This is random, as per usual. Hopefully, it'll make someone grin.**

**I am **_**ignoring**_** the fact that logically this could never happen, Miroku being part a religion that doesn't feature anything like this as far as I know… and that I'm combining several religions… But considering the whole demon-time travel thing I don't think it's **_**that **_**farfetched. Just call it AU... And probably OOC. It's been a while since I've read or watched Inuyasha.**

**Summary: Miroku always could talk his way out of anything…**

**To Cheat the Reaper**

If this was what he had to go through just to die, death was not all it was cracked up to be.

"…Lecher, thief, liar, conman…"

Miroku fidgeted nervously, looking up at the old man on the dais above him who'd been reading aloud a list of his 'sins' for the past 10 minutes. For a so called judge he was very prejudiced. Even more so, considering he was supposed to be a _saint_. If he wanted to stand around being insulted, he had enough people who hated him in life willing to rain abuse down on him thank you very much. It wasn't as though _everything_ he'd done in his life was bad…Hell, he'd helped save the world from a power crazed homicidal hanyou, aka Naraku. He'd nearly died. _Surely _that counted for _something_!

"…Selfish, lazy, wrathful…"

Apparently not.

"…Cheat, gambler, lecher…"

"You're repeating yourself." A vein pulsed in his forehead as the old geezer ignored him continued to list his supposed moral failings. _He was not jealous and greedy!_ And to think he'd been curious about what death would be like.

"…Murder-"

"Hey! Come on! I'm not a murderer!"

A grey eyebrow was raised.

Then again, there _had_ been that time…Oh. Oh _damn_. "Killing demons does not count as murder! It was self defence! And in case you hadn't noticed-I'M A MONK! It's what I DO!"

Another incredulous eyebrow raise.

"I didn't commit suicide?"

Frown. That was a definite frown. Okay. Time to change tactics. Miroku sighed, and then collapsed to his knees. Anything to get him moved somewhere where he could _do_ something! Standing here for hours with an old geezer staring at you wasn't doing anything! "You're right. I'm a horrible, horrible person! I don't deserve to go to heaven…" Eyes clenched shut, he waited for a couple of minutes before glancing up from his 'misery'. He'd neither been dropped through a trap door into hell, nor allowed past the gatekeeper into heaven…Okay. He could deal with that-That bloody grey eyebrow was raised _again._ This was getting old. Fast.

"Oh just damn me to hell already! You're obviously biased!" Miroku grinned with glee as the old geezer raised his gavel. Finally! Progress!

The old geezer paused before he could finish his swing as scroll appeared in front of him in a burst of flame. He scanned the paper, scowled furiously and then put the gavel down.

Miroku sighed. Or not.

"The devil doesn't want you."

Ah. "May I ask why he finds my person unsatisfactory?"

"Some rubbish about selfless acts, and saving lives."

Score! Naraku had to be good for something-"God doesn't want you either."

"But wait, that means-Shit." Double shit. "I AM NOT GOING TO LIMBO!"

"The correct term is purgatory."

"Whatever." His voice rose in pitch and volume, "_What am I supposed to _do_ for the rest of eternity!?" _

"There are a number of choices for one such as yourself. The Ferryman has observed that he is growing tired of his present occupation…"

"Wait, wait, wait. I am _not_ becoming the person who ferries dead souls here! Besides! That implies that I _am_ going to purgatory. You haven't heard _my_ side of the story yet."

"I don't need to. You can attempt to redeem yourself and enter heaven by returning to earth in a ghost form," he sniffed showing how likely he thought that would be, "which requires the consent of both God and the devil," well clearly _that _was a lost cause, "_or _you can spend eternity in purgatory, until its decided where you shall be sent-"

Wait a second. Purgatory… A calculating gleam entered his eyes. "Who's in charge of purgatory?" Lord Miroku had a certain…ring to it after all…

"…No one..."

Yes. Miroku, Lord of Purgatory sounded good. The monk smirked. So they would ignore him? That suited him just fine. God and the Devil wouldn't know what hit them.

The saint winced as he waved the latest soul away. He had a bad feeling about this so called monk…


End file.
